I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
