i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize