Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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