Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
