i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
We named our party play list daddy issues
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
