I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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