I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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