he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
