I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
