Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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