Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
