You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
