Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
