People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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