There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
