I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
