I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
