My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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