if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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