i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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