wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
