Who wears a wallet chain?!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
