Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
