Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
