If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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