After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize