Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
So. Much. Porn.
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