Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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