Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
