you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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