God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
