Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
