and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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