You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
