why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
