the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
