I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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