so let's talk penis.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
