New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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