I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
