I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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