My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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