There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
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