I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
