It's like God shit irony all over that family
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
