She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
