Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
