I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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