I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
