PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
