The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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