Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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