i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
