I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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