she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
