But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
