I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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