That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
