I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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