I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
