I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
