Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
