Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
