You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize