what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so let's talk penis.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
