Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
