She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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