just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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