just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
