and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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