could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize