I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
