Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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