Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I did not marry a roomba.
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